What do you want in your life, and in your relationship? Are you having trouble getting your needs met? In this episode, I walk you through a process that helps you get at not only what you think you want, but deeper into the needs that are at the heart of your desires. Once you discover what your true needs are, you might discover that they're actually a lot easier to satisfy than you thought! I also give an example of how this process might make a difference in a couple with mismatched desires for sex.
It's a quick episode that gets right to the point of this technique for unearthing not only what you want, but what you truly need. Give it a try! Was this episode helpful for you? Please let me know what you discover!
What’s holding you back when it comes to being in the present? To living into your potential? To follow through on decisions and actions that light you up, and make you feel more alive? Here to answer those questions (and more) is today’s guest, Kyle Cease. Kyle is a transformational speaker and comedian with a gift for helping you evolve, in the moment, towards what’s positive and possible.
As you’ll hear on the show, for Kyle’s 2-day “Evolving Out Loud” events, he does little preparation, instead bringing a profound presence and willingness to dive in with the 1400 people in attendance. In the same spirit, this conversation emerges “in the moment” - and I’m excited for you to see how it unfolds. You’re going to get an experience of Kyle’s work in action as we tackle some of my own limiting fears and beliefs - in Kyle’s words, he and I are Evolving Out Loud - right here on the show.
Some of the concepts that we cover are:
We are helium balloons, naturally trying to go UP. Imagine each one of us as a helium balloon, intrinsically inclined to go up/move towards ourselves, and yet, we tie ourselves to ‘things’. We tie a string from our sense of lightness and well-being and attach it to objects, goals, ideals, and ifs ("I'll be happy IF I...get the promotion, the perfect house, the right partner). We then allow this stuckness to limit and define our identity. What are you stuck to that is holding you back from floating into and up to yourself?
Have a letting go spirit. One way to navigate the question about what you may be holding on to that is limiting you is to check in with your body. What feels light? If something feels light, move towards it. If it feels heavy, move away from it.
Chicken or the egg? You may wonder whether you need to know yourself better before you can experience what is light and what is heavy to you, or whether you need to get rid of things that are heavy before you can know yourself. Bring this conundrum into your daily life by inviting in the possibility that it is "both and" - and as you connect with your heart, you will create the space needed not only to see what is not working any longer, but also the space necessary for more of your own innate guidance and expansion.
Move from your heart, not from your fear.
Our mind can only measure what we can lose, not what we can gain. Your fear is only based on what you know, and what you know you know. Fear tries to predict future outcomes based on previous experiences, and thus, holds us hostage to old patterns from our past. And it is cognitive and mind led. Again, return to the present and to your heart in order to create the trust in the present that you are safe and here. From this you will find yourself and create more space to allow newness to come in.
HEART EXERCISE: Be heart not old story. First, identify a negative thought or belief that you carry. Now imagine and visualize that it was actually you, at a much younger age, that said the thought/belief. Be there with the kid, and this time, let your heart respond. See what happens… You may find that the old story may start to leave your body, or that you now have more compassion/humor/lightness/curiosity about this fear or thought you have been carrying for what is likely a long long time! The childhood stories we carry are our past, however they remain present in us until we acknowledge them. So acknowledge them! See them! Name them! Listen to them! And be there with them from a heart space, because your heart is in the present. It is right now. And it is what you are.
My heart knows that deep down I am okay. Begin to change “I am really scared that…”, or “I am worried that…” to “my mind is really scared that…but my heart knows that….” See, our minds are constantly scanning our past for evidence to help predict the future - that said, it is critical that we find ways to remain aware when we are doing this, and step into a more present and trusting place. That sense that deep down we know we are okay - that does not have to be a place we only seek when we are panicking - it is available to us at all times when we can step into the heart...
Visit Neilsattin.com/kyle to download the complete detailed show notes...including all of the exercises that you hear on the show:
Explore Kyle Cease’s website which is full of videos, links to his workshops, as well as information about his coaching.
Go here and enter the promotion code: GRANDMA when registering for an Evolving Out Loud live event for an amazing discount on admission.
www.neilsattin.com/kyle Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide to this episode with Kyle Cease.
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When you're with your partner, whether you're having a conversation, or making love, or somewhere in between - and one of you is triggered - then all bets are off, and it's going to be WAY more difficult for you to arrive at a place that feels good. We've covered the topic extensively on this show for good reason. This week, I am going to summarize the "best" from the podcast - how to know when you're triggered, why it's important, the best techniques for coming back into balance with your partner (and within yourself) when it happens, and where to find out more information in the other show episodes. I've done the work so that you don't have to! Enjoy!