Are you curious about ways to build intimacy that aren’t about sex or being sexual? Have you had hints of feeling a deep connection with your partner, and are you interested to know how you might be able to deepen that connection even further? My guest today is Patricia Albere of the Evolutionary Collective, an internationally-known organization devoted to mutual awakening between individuals, and the development of a shared consciousness that transcends our individual (separate) consciousnesses. With over 40 years of experience working with individuals on their growth and personal development, Patricia branched out to explore how individuals could connect more deeply with others. Today we discuss her work in the context of romantic partnership, although the exercises that you will be learning could be applied with anyone - not just your significant other.
Links and Resources:
www.evolutionarycollective.com (Patricia’s website)
www.mutual-awakening.com (a free 77-page ebook available!)
Free Mutual Awakening Calls with Patricia Albere
Patricia has online courses, holds virtual retreats every three months, does 3-day intensive orientations for mutual awakening, and hosts a year-long program that starts every January. Visit her website for details!
www.neilsattin.com/patricia is the direct link to this episode. Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide. If you download the guide within the first week of this episode's airing, you are automatically qualified for a chance to win Patricia Albere’s Mutual Trust course - a $197 value!
Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook
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Odds are that the way that you’re having sex is actually causing problems in your relationship. In this episode, you will find out how having orgasms is a surefire way to lead you toward getting bored of your partner, creating problems, and breaking up - and how karezza (or non-orgasmic sex) can completely change the dynamics of your relationship. Experience the increased closeness, desire, and feelings of fulfillment in relationship that will help you sustain partnership over the long term.
My guest today is Marnia Robinson, author of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships. Her book is about how sex and orgasms affect your biochemistry, how it can undermine your relationship, and she also describes a way of lovemaking that boosts your bonding biochemistry to help you increase your love and fulfillment in your relationship.
Marnia is a graduate of Brown and Yale and a former corporate attorney. She blogs on Huffington Post and serves on the board of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health. Marnia is also the moderator of the website www.reuniting.info where you can find more information about karezza and evidence to support how switching to non-orgasmic lovemaking will actually lead to a happier, more intimate relationship.
Here are some of the details of our conversation:
Are you intrigued? I promise that you will learn things you have probably never heard before from Marnia’s practical explanation of these techniques. Give them a try, and please let us know your results!
Links and Resources:
www.reuniting.info - Marnia’s website
Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow on Amazon
Text PASSION to 33444 to download the pdf version of this episode guide AND Marnia’s Free Guide to Bonding Behaviors. If you download the guide within the first week of this episode's airing, you are automatically qualified for a chance to win a signed copy of "Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow” by Marnia Robinson.
Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook
www.neilsattin.com/cupid (Marnia’s episode page on my website)
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My guest today is Terry Real, and we’re going to cover some advanced strategies for thriving in your relationship. Whether it’s how to recover from a grievous wrong, how to keep your relationship healthy, or how an unconventional way to take a relationship from good to great - there’s lots to discover in this conversation!
Terry is a nationally recognized family therapist, author, and he has appeared on Good Morning America, Oprah, ABC News, and 20/20. In private practice for over 25 years , his most recent book is The New Rules of Marriage: What you Need to Know to Make Love Work. He is here to discuss his newest book and tell us practical ways to make our marriages and relationships exceptional.
Terry sets the stage by sharing how relationships today are different than they have been historically. People today have much higher expectations of what their relationship will be in their lives. The problem is that most people haven’t mastered the sophisticated set of skills needed to maintain the kind of relationship that they want. The purpose of his book (and this episode) is to give you the skills that you need.
Terry discusses the following details about relationships:
The phases of Harmony, Disillusionment, and Acceptance/Repair. What stage are you in now? The cycles are ever-repeating - which should give you hope if you happen to be in a state of disillusionment at the moment. If that’s the case, what would it take to move your relationship towards Repair?
Cherishing. While it sounds simple (and is simple in many ways), Terry actually devoted an entire chapter to it in his book. Are you focused on appreciating your partner’s good qualities? How do you let them know?
Terry discusses the losing relationship strategies of harshness and self-righteous indignation. “Harshness has no redeeming value of any kind. There is nothing that harshness accomplishes that loving firmness doesn’t accomplish better.”
He refers to his “Winning Strategies,” including shifting from a negative past-focus to a positive future-focus. He also explains his “Golden Rule.”
Terry has a 3-step action plan for a spouse to follow if their partner isn’t ready or willing to change the relationship. Dare to rock the boat. “Listen - this is really important to me!” Once you have their attention, help them WIN. Tell your partner what you need in order to make the situation better. Then, make it worth their while! Give positive feedback. Celebrate steps in the right direction, even if it’s not fully what you want it to be.
Put an end to the Cinderella Syndrome! It’s ok to ask for what you want.
We each have a Core Negative Image of our partner - it is how we imagine them to be when they are at their WORST. It is an exaggeration, not even an accurate description of them at their worst - but there are bits of reality in them. Anything that you do that reinforces your partner’s Core Negative Image of you has the potential to create problems in your relationship. Anything you can do that’s the OPPOSITE of that will create enormous growth in your relationship.
Because we get together with our “unfinished business” - our relationships have enormous Healing Potential. The gift of our relationships is what we do, how we heal, when we encounter these problems that are echoes of the past and resolve them.
If you have a strong relationship, you can use the Dead Stop. In a dead stop, if you see your partner starting to act like your Core Negative Image of them, you let them know (using a keyword, such as “pineapple” is helpful) - and they stop everything, and without being defensive, apologize! Acknowledge what they’re seeing. And use it as an opportunity to release your need to be right, and instead to build connection with your partner.
Terry gives advice about recovering from a grievous wrong in a relationship, such as infidelity or other marriage disasters. First, the person who committed the wrong needs to be accountable for their actions. Next, address the hurt partner. Recognize that they are fundamentally disoriented - help them make sense of what happened. Dealing with their trauma. Then, re-establish trust. The past needs needs to be seen as the past. A demarcation ritual acknowledging the new, transformed relationship can be amazing. The crisis has the ability to transform us if we rise to the occasion. It can also be helpful to get outside help in these situations.
FYI - Terry teaches live workshops all over the United States for couples and singles. An amazing experience to take your relationship to the next level.
Use the relationship grid in order to diagnose where you are in terms of your boundaries and self-esteem - where do you need to improve?
“True intimacy is not the absence of tension, but the management of tension and using tension to grow.”
Links and Resources:
The New Rules of Marriage on Amazon
Please visit Terry’s website, www.terryreal.com for all kinds of free information about his work AND a free intimacy test to see where you are and where you need to grow.
The Relationship Alive Community on Facebook
This guide and episode are also available at www.neilsattin.com/terry
Text "PASSION" to 33444 to download a pdf of the show guide (and be entered for a free giveaway of a signed copy of Calling in the One within the first week of this show's airing)
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Welcome! My guest today is Katherine Woodward Thomas, who is the author of the national bestseller Calling in the One: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life, and Conscious Uncoupling (in stores 9/22/2015). She is also a licensed psychotherapist and a highly acclaimed transformative educator who has worked with thousands of people around issues of love and relationship.
Katherine also created the online Conscious Uncoupling course to help people deal with relationship breakups and I have personally experienced this program and its benefits. It was my work and personal transformation with this course that led me to Katherine and inviting her to be a guest on Relationship Alive.
While as always it can be challenging to summarize everything here in our show guide, here are some of the salient points from our conversation:
We will probably be having Katherine on the show again soon, as she has so much more to offer! Until then, please check out the links and resources below!
Links and Resources:
Katherine Woodward Thomas's website
Download the show notes and more on NeilSattin.com
The Relationship Alive Community on Facebook
Text "PASSION" to 33444 to download a pdf of the show guide (and be entered for a free giveaway of a signed copy of Calling in the One within the first week of this show's airing)
AMAZING intro and outtro music graciously provided courtesy of The Railsplitters - Check them out HERE
Welcome to Episode 2! Here is today’s question: How’s your SEX LIFE? Is it giving you the kind of connection with your partner that you want? My guest today is Diana Richardson, a leading sex educator with over 20 years’ experience in teaching about “slow sex.” She has authored several books on the subject of Tantra and how to develop deep intimacy with your partner, and she teaches numerous workshops in Switzerland with her partner, Michael.
Her teaching is completely transformative and focuses on how to radically shift your thinking about sex and sensuality. You WILL learn something new from Diana! Join us!
Diana discusses the following topics:
Are you intrigued and wanting to explore further? The good news is that there will be a Part 2 to this interview, so you can look forward to even MORE information from Diana.
Links and Resources:
www.livinglove.com (Diana’s website)
Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation - by Diana and Michael Richardson
The Heart of Tantric Sex - by Diana Richardson
Text PASSION to 33444 to download the pdf version of this episode guide. If you download the guide within the first week of this episode's airing, you are automatically qualified for a chance to win a signed copy of "Tantric Sex for Men" from Diana Richardson.
Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook
www.neilsattin.com/tantra (My website has links to Diana and her work.)
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Welcome! My guest today is Dr. John Gottman, one of the world's leading experts on how to have an amazing relationship. He and his wife Julie currently operate The Gottman Institute in Seattle, offering numerous resources and training. Join us for a deep dive into their work!
Dr. Gottman’s findings are largely based on the conclusions he has made over many years of research and observations of couples. He and his team have how to be a master (and avoid being a disaster) at relationship.
Dr. Gottman discusses the following topics:
Join us for these topics and more. Dr. Gottman has practical information that can improve your relationship TODAY!
Links and Resources:
What Makes Love Last: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal by Dr. John Gottman
The Gottman Institute, Seattle
www.neilsattin.com/gottman (visit to download a .pdf of this episode guide along with John Gottman's "Dreams in Conflict" exercise to help couples who seem to have irreconcilable differences. You can also text “PASSION” to 33444 for instructions on how to download the guide. If you download the guide within the first week of this show's airing, you will also qualify for a chance to win a free signed copy of Dr. Gottman’s book "What Makes Love Last".)
The Relationship Alive Community on Facebook
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